How to Start Living Your Full Potential

Stop Reaching and Start Digging

You've heard the saying, "Reach for the stars," right? Well, it's time to put that idea to rest. If you want to reach your potential, you need to stop reaching and start digging.

The idea of reaching your potential is not only unhelpful, but it also leads you in the wrong direction in terms of where to look for it. In this blog post, I'll share with you the 5 tools you need to dig deeper into yourself, discover your full potential, and start living it.

But first, let's start by defining what potential is.

What Is Potential?

The technical definition says that potential is "having the skills or qualities to be successful or useful in the future." And when applied more specifically to human development, it's some sense of the greatest version of you that hasn't been realized yet — something in the future, a bigger, better version of you that you have yet to fully embrace and become.

When I hear people talk about potential, it seems to suggest that it is something OUTSIDE of our current selves that we need to become:

• "It's not here within me."

• "It's somewhere out there."

• "Something I need to reach and grab and move towards."

Hence the expression: reaching your potential. For me, that expression leaves somewhat discouraged because it feels far away and like a lot of work. Have you ever felt that way too?

How Do You Reach Your Full Potential?

The truth is that your potential is within you. It's not some faraway place or goal that you need to work towards. It's not something outside of yourself that needs to be reached and grabbed — it is the very essence of who you are. Sure, there might be some learning around new skills or tools that can help, but when we really see someone living their potential, it isn't because of a new skill they mastered. It's because of a shift in mindset to finally step into their full power.

Unlearn Limiting Beliefs & Habits

Often, this mindset shift starts with unlearning limiting beliefs and habits that stand in your way of accessing it. You need to be able to fully believe that the only thing between you and your full potential is YOU. Your willingness to believe this activates the superpowers that are already within you.

Stop Reaching and Start Digging

To reach our full potential, we have to stop reaching and start digging. The magic we are looking for out there is inside us. A good example of this is the miracle of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

Caterpillars have a unique method for transformation. Rather than using inspiration from the outside world, they cocoon themselves into a full and deep retreat — and then emerge about 3 weeks later as completely transformed beings who can now fly.

It is by cocooning into ourselves and doing the inner work that we gain direct access to our potential.

Why Am I Not Using My Full Potential?

The Fear of Being Great

Fully believing in our greatness can be scary. Marianne Williamson, an American author and spiritual leader, says: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

We are scared of believing in our own power because it forces us to take responsibility for using that power and live up to its potential. And even before you can use it, you have to first really accept that it's there and that you are truly enough.

Yes, you really are enough.

Trying to be anything other than who you are is what stops you from really accessing your potential. When you start believing in your own self-worth, it becomes easier to express who you truly are. It’s you being more of you.

And that's what living your potential really is — becoming the truest, kindest, most talented, and most creative version of yourself. It's all already there, but in order to access it, you need to stop reaching and start digging.

So how do you actually do that deep inner digging? There are so many ways, but I'm going to focus on 5 tools that can help you access your true potential and start living it.

How to Reach Your Potential Using 5 Tools

1. Step out of your comfort zone and try new things

This first tool encourages you to leave your comfort zone and try new things. Every new experience you have teaches you something new about yourself. These insights give you hints about your greatness and the talents you may not have known you had. So, try something new (at least once a month) to shake things up and see what happens after you step out of your comfort zone.

2. Shift from a “fixed” to “growth” mindset by focusing on your internal motivators rather than external approval

Find ways to do things not for the end result or how other people will see it but just for the journey of learning about yourself. By doing this, you'll discover sides of yourself that can exist outside the realm of what other people think and accept. Those sides can help you get in touch with your full potential.

You can also connect this to the first tool about trying something new:
When you try new things, quit worrying about how good you are at them and instead focus on the experience itself. You can even take existing activities and tasks you've already been doing for a while and see what happens when you shift your motivation for doing them from external approval to internal curiosity.

3. Embrace challenges to discover your real strengths

Make sure that you aren't only working on things that are easy for you because otherwise:

• How will you know what your limits are?

• How will you know what your capabilities really are?

• If all of your tasks are easy, then how will you ever grow?

Look for things that challenge you because there's no other way to find out what you're made of than when you put yourself through a real test.

4. List down your fears, uncover what really worries you, and push through with courageous acts

• Take so- Highly unlikely to happen; or

• Not even that scary in the first place.

In fact, research says more than 90% of the things we worry about never really happen. But even knowing that, our fears can still be very real and feel extremely scary.me time to reflect and write down a list of the things you're afraid of. Ask yourself why those things scare you, and really dig into the worst-case scenarios that you're most afraid of with each of those fears.

Often, that alone can already help you realize that the thing you're most afraid of is either:

So what do you do when that's the case?

Take those remaining fears and think about what you would do if they happened. Visualize how you would handle the situation. Realizing that you can respond to your fears rather than be paralyzed by them diminishes the weight those fears have on you.

And if you want to fully understand what your fears are trying to teach you, then you need to take action and push through. Once you do this, you'll realize that those fears don't have a permanent grip on you. And rebuilding your relationship to fears is one of the most direct ways to accessing your full potential.

5. Surround yourself with people who see more of your potential than you do and benefit from their support in your journey

Fear limits you and your vision. So, surround yourself with people who truly love and care for you and are already relating to your potential. You'll know who they are because being with them brings out your best qualities and makes you feel your best.

Ask them to tell you exactly:

• What they see in you

• Your strengths and abilities

Then use that information to build up those qualities and dig deeper into what's keeping you from seeing them in yourself.

Takeaway

To recap, here are the 5 tools you need to step into your greatest future self:

1. Step out of your comfort zone and try new things.

2. Shift from a “fixed” to “growth” mindset (by focusing on your internal motivators rather than external approval).

3. Embrace challenges to discover your real strengths.

4. List down your fears, uncover what really worries you, and push through with courageous acts.

5. Surround yourself with people who see more of your potential than you do and benefit from their support in your journey.

I hope these 5 tools will help you discover your potential and tap into it. They are simple but powerful tools that allow you to step into your greatness and live life with more meaning, purpose, and passion. Remember, your full potential lies inside you right now. All you have to do is stop reaching and start digging!

References:

Williamson, M. (1992). A Return to Love. https://marianne.com/a-return-to-love/

LaFreniere LS, Newman MG. (2020). Exposing Worry's Deceit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7233480/

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How to Manifest Your Dreams using 4 steps

When it comes to manifestation, actions speak louder than wishes. It's easy to say or think, "I want a new job" or "I want a different team." But if you're not taking action, then your wish remains just that: a wish. You won't get what you want until you put in the work to make the change happen. So don't just wish for something — plan and take the necessary steps toward making it happen!

In this blog, I’ll talk about manifestation, 4 steps to make your wishes come true, and why taking action is important.

Let's first define manifestation to then understand why actions speak louder than wishes.

What Is Manifestation?

“Manifesting” is the practice of thinking and believing in aspirational thoughts to make them real. Manifestation is setting your mind on something you want to happen and then making it happen in real life.

If you think it, believe in it and put your attention and intention into making it come true, then there’s a good chance it will or that at least something meaningful will come as a result. Action being the key part here of course.

With that in mind, let's discuss what you specifically need to do to manifest your ideas.

4 Steps to Manifest Your Dreams

Step 1: Be Specific and Imagine It

In order for actions to speak louder than wishes, you need to first formulate those wishes. This means making your intentions as specific as possible and pinpointing exactly what are your hopes, dreams, and goals. It's important that you can really visualize the future you are trying to create.

In order to attract, we need to know what it is that we want to attract. That's why the foundational step to manifestation is knowing first what you actually want. Only then can you use all the powers available to you to create those outcomes.

Take some time to imagine yourself in that future:

• How would you feel?

• What would you be thinking?

• Where would you be?

• Who else would be with you?

• What challenges would you be faced with?

• How would you overcome them?

Did you know that visualizing for even a few minutes a day activates the same parts of your brain that would light up if you were actually doing the things you are visualizing?

By starting to THINK it, you are starting to BE it.

And by visualizing not just the wish but also the path towards it (including how you will overcome inevitable obstacles you will encounter along the way), you set yourself up to tread the long road to your dreams.

So once you have a clear, specific intention and you can really see it, how do you then pair action with that? Well, since actions speak louder than wishes, you've got to make sure you’re using the right action.

Step 2: Take Small Actions and Look Out for Chances

Set aside a bit of time each day to think about the specific steps you can take to reach your goals, then build them into your daily routine.

Remember, manifestation isn't about getting favors from the universe. It's about being so clear and focused with your attention that you notice every small thing around you that can help you get closer to your vision.

• Who do you need to talk to?

• Where do you need to be?

• What opportunities do you need to jump on?

Make this a part of your daily schedule. As the expression says, "Where attention goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, life grows.”

This is such an important mindset because the future you want to create is already here right now. You just need to start noticing the small signs and hints that are present all around you.

This means shifting your attention from where it currently is to where it needs to be. Specifically:

• See the day with fresh eyes;

• Keep your ears open; and

• Jump on every little conversation or passing comment as the potential ticket to your future gold mine.

There are billions of possibilities around us all the time, and your job as a full-time manifestor is to tune your antenna to pick up and notice exactly the ones you most need right now. And once you pick up on it, do something about it. That's how you embody the truth behind actions speak louder than wishes.

Step 3: Stay Positive

Actions speak louder than wishes is also about your positivity mindset. There are a number of ways your attitude around manifestation will help turn dreams into reality:

• Remove Obstacles - Staying positive means removing any obstacles or limits that may cloud your vision and/or block you from sensing what's around you. This includes noticing and suspending fear and negative self-talk.
  

• Relentlessly Believe - The quote, “In order to manifest it, you must believe in its inevitability,” really captures the confidence required in manifestation.
  

• Reduce Time with Toxic People - You will also want to reduce your time with any toxic people who tell you you can't reach your goals or drain your energy as you try to work towards them.
  

• Be Grateful for What You Have - Remember to have gratitude and write down a few things you're grateful for each day. This is not just an appreciation exercise. It actually trains your brain to see more positive things happening each day, which is critical for keeping the momentum and motivation to push forward.

After you've put into place the first 3 steps on vision, actions, and positivity, there's one last ingredient to prepare for.

Step 4: Ride the Swing to Get Unstuck

While experiencing how actions speak louder than wishes, you will get in and out of contact with an emotion called motivation. When you're experiencing it, motivation is so powerful. However, it is also an emotion that comes and goes. And when it goes, we can be left feeling exhausted, uninspired, and hopeless.

Motivation is an exciting energy we feel at the start of something new. It's that natural high that is often externally sourced. When we are benefiting from the drive of motivation, it's called the first swing.

So once it disappears, we need something else to keep us going. And that something is a completely different type of energy, which, if accessed, can initiate a second swing of productivity and progress.

The energy of the second swing is one of structure. This difference between the initial energy of something new and the structured energy that will keep us going is called the model of 2 swings (for more about this, see my separate blog post called ("How to Deal with Motivation Swings").

Between the two swings is an energy dip, and most people quit here and return to something else that is still in its first swing. The commitment to keep going requires structure and a new kind of discipline.

So once you understand the inevitability of the dip in between the two swings, all that's left is to push through that dip and use structure and discipline to get into that second swing of energy. You can even prepare yourself for it in advance by deciding already what you will do once your energy drops and how you'll access that second swing.

You'll know and feel it once you get there. You might even find that the new kind of energy that you'll gain access to is even more reliable and steadfast than motivation.

This is really where actions speak louder than wishes.

Takeaway

Turn your dreams into reality by understanding that actions speak louder than wishes. Don't just daydream — start taking action!

To recap, here are the 4 steps to turning your dreams into reality:

1) Be specific and imagine it;
2) Take small actions and look out for chances;
3) Stay positive; and
4) Ride the swing to get unstuck.

Make sure you've got the right structure in place to support you and that you're doing your part by putting in the hard work and reflection needed to get out of the dip and into the next swing.

I hope this post has been helpful, and I wish you all the best in turning your dreams into reality! Good luck as you manifest by letting your actions speak louder than wishes.

Ways to deal with Criticism and Judgment

Use people's judgments as your daily mirror.

You've probably heard that criticism is a good thing — that it can help you grow and improve. But sometimes, hearing someone say something as simple as, "You did a bad job" or "You're not doing that right," or "You should have done this instead!" can hurt. In fact, it can be downright awful!

But here's the thing: criticism only hurts if we let it. If we learn how to handle our reaction to judgment and criticism from others we'll be able to stay focused on how to actually benefit from it rather than it bringing us down. Use people's judgments as your daily mirror.

In this blog, I'll share ways to deal with criticism and judgment that others throw our way, allowing you to stay positive, focused, and still able to grow.

Responding to Judgment

Before you can use people's judgments as a daily mirror, you first need to understand how judgment works. When someone judges you for something, and their comments don't bother you, it is because of the confidence you have already built for yourself around that topic.

Think about something you are proud of and know you are good at. Or something you have already worked through any issues yourself.

If someone is critical about it, most of the time, it's easy to let the comment just run off of you like water. But when someone judges us and their judgments sting us, it's actually an indication that their judgement is triggering a reaction in us that could benefit from deeper examination from our side.

And in these cases, we have two options for how to react: let the judgment bring us down or face it head-on and use people's judgments as our daily mirror.

1) Let Judgment Bring Us Down

Taking someone else's words to heart, letting them define who we are, bursting out with anger, or feeling bad about ourselves can have harmful effects on our mental and emotional health and even our physical health.

Feeling this way over a prolonged time can cause depression, anxiety, and a lack of motivation. And when we judge ourselves for not being good enough, it's hard to see the good in ourselves or others.

That said, it's quite natural to have a tendency to notice and hold onto negative criticism. In fact, negative emotions are more strongly felt and remembered in greater detail than positive ones, according to American social psychologist Roy Baumeister. They are also a natural part of being human. If used wisely, these emotions can even act as signposts that help us to take healthy action, like setting boundaries, or standing up for ourselves, or speaking up. But when we let the emotions completely consume us, we lose the ability to benefit from them and only suffer in their presence.

Baumeister summarizes academic studies in his research paper titled "Bad Is Stronger Than Good", showing how the brain more likely remembers negative criticism than praise. He says that for every negative event, five positive ones are needed to make up for it.

2) Face It Head-on

When we face judgment head-on, we're able to use it as a tool for learning and growth. We also feel empowered! We understand that our value lies within ourselves and not in what other people think about us, and we can use that understanding to grow as people.

I'm not saying this is easy — in fact, it can often be super hard — but if you learn to approach others' judgment with curiosity about your own reaction to it, you'll find there's so much waiting to be discovered.

So what's a positive way to face it head-on and deal with Negative Criticism?

Use people's judgments as your daily mirror.

Rather than working ourselves up over negative criticism, let's use other people's judgment as a gift. If we can learn to accept and use criticism as an opportunity for growth, we'll be well on our way to becoming more confident, self-loving people who make decisions from a place of integrity rather than fear.

It's a gift to look into the mirror and ask ourselves:

• Why do I care so much about this?

• What part of me is feeling the same way?

• What do I want to do about it?
  

Through these questions, lean in with curiosity toward your reaction to the criticism. The focus here is less on the criticism itself and more on what it's doing to you.

As mentioned before, if you have no reaction, then the topic is one you've probably already worked through, so it doesn't trigger you. But if you do have a reaction, then it's either because you agree with the criticism (even if you deny it) or you have some unsettled business with it that is still worth exploring.

Then:

- If deep down, you AGREE with the judgment, start by acknowledging you have some work to do on the issue.

- If you DISAGREE with it, then you have some work to do on feeling more secure about the way you are or why you're doing whatever it is that you're doing. Something about this criticism is forcing you to look at an aspect you don't like or haven't worked through yet, so it's time to get cracking!

Either way, progress comes from deciding to use people's judgments as your daily mirror. Does this mean that once you’ve worked through your reaction to it you’ll never get triggered by that criticism or judgement again? No! We are all human after all and it’s completely normal to be triggered, reactive and emotional when other people’s comments leave us feeling unsafe. But while the trigger itself may not entirely disappear, what you do have control over is how long you stay triggered, and what you then decide to do with your reaction. And that is something that working through the above series of reflections can really help with.

Takeaway:

Remember, the only way to truly handle criticism is to be aware of it and know how to make it work for us. The key is not to let the judgment of others get in our way. We can't control what other people think, after all.

When we're criticized, instead of getting defensive, use people's judgments as your daily mirror and ask: "What can I learn from this?" You might be surprised at what you find!

References:

Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2001). Bad is Stronger than Good. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/46608952_Bad_Is_Stronger_than_Good

How to Deal with Motivation Swings - Get unstuck and back on track

Ride the Swing to Get Unstuck

Ever felt like your motivation is all over the place? Like sometimes you're super pumped and motivated to work on your goal, and other times you just can't get yourself to do anything?

Well, I have good news for you. You're not alone. This happens to everyone. And it's totally normal!

In this blog post, I'll help you understand what's going on with your motivation and how it works in 3 swings. Once you understand the difference between each swing, you'll know how to deal with those energy dips and get back on track. In other words, you'll know how to ride the swing to get unstuck!

Concept of 2 Swings and Safe Space

Motivation is an exciting energy we feel at the start of something new. It's the natural high and drives that are often externally initiated (we love the new project, or boss, or program...). Like any emotion--and feeling motivated is an emotion--it comes and goes. So once it disappears, we need something different to keep us going. And that something is a completely different type of energy. The energy of structure. This difference between the initial energy we experience when doing something new versus what will sustain us in the long run is sometimes called "2 swings."

The concept of 2 swings is a useful way to understand how we experience motivation. It also helps us make sense of why our energy and focus often vary over time. Once you understand the difference, you’ll know how to ride the swing to get unstuck!

Let’s look at how this concept can help you understand and manage your energy.

The 1st Swing - Motivation, Inspiration, and Excitement

We often feel a burst of enthusiasm and energy when we start something exciting and new. But as time passes, that initial excitement typically wears off. We realize that to really implement a new skill or improve it requires more effort than we had anticipated.

While we may have been improving at first, now we are plateauing. We return back to our day-to-day and feel that we can't integrate the new habit, even though we know that we should. And along the way, we become tired or distracted by other things. In fact, maybe we even jump to other activities that are still in their 1st swing; those activities give us that motivation, inspiration, and excitement that we are currently lacking and yearning for. It's a distraction but it feels good!

This is when the real test when learning something new happens — when it gets hard rather than fun. And that's where most people quit. They quit at the dip. It's called the dip between the 2 swings because that's where our energy drops to its lowest point. But if you plan for the dip and adjust yourself accordingly, a 2nd swing kicks in.

The 2nd Swing - Structure, Routine, Discipline, and Reflection

The energy and focus we need to get into the 1st swing are not the same as what we need to get into the 2nd swing. That's because while in the 1st swing we temporarily stepped out of our comfort zone (and felt some exhilaration from doing so), the 2nd swing actually requires us to grow and stretch our comfort zone to a bigger size. The 2nd swing is where we start to integrate the "new" into our habits and daily behavior. It's about being uncomfortable and pushing through anyway.

By starting to make this new habit into a normal one, the 2nd swing is when we start to see real progress. But in order to stick to it, we structures that enforce our discipline and keep us focused. We need to build our own ways of daily practice.

One way to do this is by building in practice time of the new habit around existing routines. Take something you already do every day--like brushing your teeth or walking to work--and build in time to practice your new habit just before or just after it.

By pairing your new behavior with an existing one, you make it easier for yourself to remember to practice that new habit. And soon enough, it will become easier to do altogether. That's when your comfort zone starts stretching and growing larger. When that happens, the new habit stops feeling as uncomfortable as it previously did and becomes part of your conscious abilities. That's how you ride the swing to get unstuck!

And while doing all of this, build in a few moments here and there to pause, reflect on your process, and see what needs to be changed or modified to keep up the good work. Reflection is key to making sure you are actually staying on track with your initial goal and not slipping sideways.

The Safe Space

During the 1st and especially 2nd swings, it's common to jump into judgment or self-criticism. You hoped this would be easier than it turned out to be. Or you thought you'd be better at this new skill and be able to see the impact faster.

Remember to be kind to yourself. This transition from 1st to 2nd swing requires support, love, and patience, so don't jump to conclusions too fast. Give yourself the time to practice, experiment, and even fail. Mistakes are your stepping stones towards success. Protect the safe space in which to make those mistakes and learn from them.

The 3rd Swing

If you get through the 2nd swing, then you're well on your way towards the 3rd, where:

• The learning actually becomes integrated;

• Our comfort zone expands fully; and

• We can finally get the full benefit of the experience.

The 3rd swing is where we can start to reap all the fruits of our labor and enjoy a real sense of accomplishment.

In the 3rd swing, you start to look at how to maintain this new habit in the long run. Ask yourself, what are you going to do every 3-6 months to make sure to keep your new skills sharp and ready? This is also where the celebration is so important, as it triggers the brain's positive reinforcement mechanism by releasing those feel-good hormones that make you want to succeed even more. Be grateful for what you've accomplished and any support you've had along the way.

The graphic below shows how our energy works in 2 swings with a safe space for growth, learning, and appreciation, and 3rd swing coming right after that:

Takeaway

Ride the swing to get unstuck!

Learning to deal with energy swings is an important part of the process of building a healthy, fulfilling life. Understanding the concept of fluctuating motivation can help us to get unstuck and back on track.

So the next time you feel unmotivated or stuck in a cycle of unproductive behavior, try taking a step back to reflect on what’s happening behind the scenes. Where are you in the journey of 2 swings, and what energy do you need now to keep going? Then use that information to make changes in your environment or approach to help you get back on track with your goals.

References

Transformation Architects - Culture Transformation: “Two Swings & Safe Space!”

How to Cope with Burnout – the Psychology Behind it, What It Means, and Different Stages

Burnout is a serious issue. It’s not just an annoyance or temporary state of mind but rather a serious problem that can have lasting effects on our health and well-being. The past few years of lockdown and pandemic have only made more visible the real pandemic of our times: our deteriorating mental health.

When we experience burnout, it’s important to take steps to recover from it as quickly as possible — before the situation gets worse. In this blog post, I’ll discuss the psychology of burnout and its different stages. I’ll also cover some ways to cope with burnout should you or someone you know experience it.

What Is Burnout?

Burnout can be defined as a psychological condition that occurs when we feel exhausted or drained of our mental resources. When we experience burnout, it’s likely because we’ve been pushing ourselves beyond our limits and have started to feel mentally and physically exhausted.

Burnout is often experienced by people with jobs requiring them to work long hours, but it can also happen if we push ourselves too hard in any area of our life — school, work, or home. When the tasks required of us exceed the amount of time that we have to complete them, we can feel totally overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed for extended periods of time often leads to burnout.

This happens when we are asked to perform at high levels for extended periods of time without being given adequate support or recognition for how to meet these expectations.

For example, we might find ourselves feeling burnt out if:

• Our boss expects more from us than what is reasonable based on what they know about our skillset (or lack thereof);

• We take on extra projects at work without being rewarded financially or with more freedom/flexible hours; or

• We are so focused on building our businesses that we neglect our health, relationships, and leisure activities. This can lead to loneliness, depression and isolation, which further compounds the problem since it can get harder to get back on track with our goals.
  
  

Burnout vs. Other Types of Exhaustion and Stress

As mentioned earlier, burnout is a psychological condition that can be described as a combination of exhaustion and apathy. Unlike stress, burnout is not a temporary state of feeling overwhelmed. Instead, it's an ongoing battle with chronic exhaustion and lack of motivation that can last for months or even years.

In addition to these symptoms, people experiencing burnout often report feelings of depression and anxiety, including feelings that they don't enjoy life anymore or feel like they have no purpose in life. And this makes sense when you think about how much energy goes into just getting out of bed every day — not to mention having the energy to do anything else once you're up!

This leads to another important point: although many people use "burnt out" as shorthand for being tired or exhausted (which isn't necessarily bad), the two terms aren't interchangeable.

Burnout specifically refers to a psychological condition where we feel drained physically, mentally, and emotionally all the time. It’s a feeling that doesn't necessarily come from overwork alone but often occurs alongside physical exhaustion as well. In other words, high stress levels over a long period of time often lead to exhaustion and, therefore, BURNOUT.

Stages and Signs of Burnout

Burnout is a gradual process that can develop over months and years, and the symptoms vary from person to person.

Herbert Freudenberger, a German-born American psychologist, is credited for introducing the concept of "burnout" in the 1970s. He used the term to describe the effects of severe stress and high ideals. Freudenberger also defined how burnout typically develops through a  12-stage model:

Stage 1: Excessive Ambition
We feel a strong need to prove ourselves.

Stage 2: Working Harder
We keep working harder and become addicted to our work.

Stage 3: Neglecting Our Needs
We start to neglect our needs and focus solely on our goals.

Stage 4: Conflicts & Needs Displacement
We become overwhelmed by stress, which eventually makes us feel like a failure and blame others for our situation.

Stage 5: No Time for Non-Work-Related Needs
Our values change as we shift to focusing more on our work.

Stage 6: In Denial of Our Problems
We deny emerging problems due to work stress.

Stage 7: Withdrawal & Cynicism
We withdraw from our social life, friends, and family. In this stage, we also develop bad habits (e.g., alcohol or drug use) to relieve stress.

Stage 8: Behavioral & Psychological Changes
Our behavior changes, and it upsets those around us.

Stage 9: Depersonalization
In this stage, depersonalization occurs, wherein we no longer feel like ourselves.

Stage 10: Inner Emptiness & Addictive Behavior
We feel numb and empty. In this stage, we seek activities like sex, substance abuse, or binge eating to fill the void.

Stage 11: Meaninglessness & Lack of Interest
We feel lost, depressed, and totally exhausted.

Stage 12: Life-threatening Physical & Mental Exhaustion
This is the burnout syndrome. We physically and mentally break down and become completely overwhelmed.

During these stages, several signs may signal us that burnout is happening:

• Lack of energy, feeling exhausted, completely drained, and losing interest in doing things;

• Experiencing physical symptoms, such as feeling numb and recurring headaches, particularly in response to work stress;

• Performance issues and developing a negative attitude towards our job and colleagues; and

• Unable to cope with life while having negative thoughts about accomplishing things.

Coping with Burnout

Burnout prevention is a far easier approach than trying to recover from a full 12-stage burnout. People who get to that point are entirely unable to function, and the path of healing is a slow and lengthy process. However, regardless of where we are in the burnout model, the following coping techniques can help:

How to Cope Physically:

• Get enough fresh air and exercise regularly.

• Get enough sleep to allow your mind and body to recharge and heal.

• Take care of your health by eating a balanced diet and avoiding alcohol.

How to Cope Emotionally:

• Set boundaries clearly.

• Think about what’s most important, then write them down.

• Calm your thoughts and relax your body by practicing mindfulness.

• Take on creative pursuits to keep your minds active and your attention diverted.

How to Cope Socially:

• Talk about your problems with people close to you and ask for help.

• Make friends with colleagues to feel less isolated.

• Stay away from individuals who give off a negative vibe.
  
  

How to Cope Professionally:

• Work-related coping methods include taking a break from work or changing careers (if possible).

• Try to find meaning in you work or things you enjoy doing.

• Prioritise tasks to create a better work-life balance.

Takeaway

Burnout is a serious issue. It can be an incredibly stressful and exhausting experience. If you have been feeling this way for a while and don't know what to do about it, I hope this blog post has helped you understand what burnout is and how you can cope with it. Please reach out for help if you need it. You are not alone and there is lots of support out there.

References:

Ponocny-Seliger, Elisabeth & Winker, R.. (2014). 12-phase burnout screening development, implementation and test theoretical analysis of a burnout screening based on the 12-phase model of Herbert Freudenberger and Gail North. ASU International. 49. 927-935. 10.17147/ASUI.2014-12-11-01.

De Hert, Stefan. “Burnout in Healthcare Workers: Prevalence, Impact and Preventative Strategies.” Local and regional anesthesia vol. 13 171-183. 28 Oct. 2020, doi:10.2147/LRA.S240564

Kaschka WP, Korczak D, Broich K. Burnout: a fashionable diagnosis. Dtsch Arztebl Int. 2011 Nov;108(46):781-7. doi: 10.3238/arztebl.2011.0781. Epub 2011 Nov 18. PMID: 22163259; PMCID: PMC3230825.

How to feel Energy and Performance in everything you do

When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone? Like really did something that made you uncomfortable... I know it's a question that probably doesn't come up very often. But when you think about it, it's actually pretty important.

Why? Because we all have a comfort zone. It's what keeps us safe and secure but also makes us feel stuck or bored. And because we're human, we tend to stay in our comfort zones for as long as we can (our brains and bodies are always looking to try to simplify and secure us). That's why we need to force ourselves to step out of our comfort zones. By doing so, we get access to the amazing world of experimentation, personal development, and stretching our abilities.

But if you leave your comfort zone, where does that mean you end up? Ask yourself:

• Are you in your comfort zone?

• The good zone? OR

• In the terror zone?

Maybe you've never thought about these zones before. But now that you have, wouldn't it be nice to know where you are (and how to get to where you should be)?

For starters, let’s define the comfort zone and discuss 2 other psychological states related to it: the good zone and the terror zone.

Comfort Zone – What is it exactly?

The comfort zone is where we feel safe and secure. It's our home, our cozy bed at night, or the path we take every day to work or school. It’s the work projects we could do in our sleep and the skills we acquired ages ago. We're comfortable there because we know what to expect. We know what will happen next, and so do all the people around us who share this space with us.

It's also where we do things repeatedly, which is why people sometimes call it "routine" or "habit." Routine can be a good thing if it means that we’re doing things right. But in many cases, routine isn't helping us move forward. Instead, it's holding us back from discovering new things about ourselves and maybe even changing for the better. It's keeping us the same as we were yesterday and the day before that.

What Is the Good Zone?

The good zone is the right balance between pressure (from outside forces like deadlines), stress (from inside forces like an overcrowded mind), and performance (what we actually produce).

It's about pushing ourselves to take on new challenges and grow, but not so far that we’re overwhelmed or unable to handle the situation. It's about being able to handle stressful situations without getting mentally bogged down by them.

The good zone is where we must consciously decide to try or do something differently, but we are still able to handle the pressure and stress that comes with it.

Now What About the Terror Zone?

When stress becomes too much to handle, it's easy to fall into the terror zone. The terror zone is the opposite of the comfort zone. It's where we face discomfort, uncertainty, and risk. This zone is the place where we can't do anything right, and it's also the place where we are most likely to give up. It's a state that is characterized by panic, rage, and fear. Prolonged time in the terror zone leads to chronic fatigue, physical illness, and burnout.

So now that you know what they are, which one have you been in today, this week, and this past month?

Knowing Our Boundaries

• It's important to be aware of what our boundaries are and where they lie:

• If we’re in the COMFORT ZONE, we’ll know it because we will feel familiar and safe.

• If we’re in the TERROR ZONE, we’ll know it because we feel overwhelmed, confused, and helpless.

• The trick is finding our GOOD ZONE — the place where we can be challenged but not overwhelmed and feel safe but not stuck. Here we are driven, motivated, energized, and inspired.

The Good Zone Is Where We Want to Be

It's where we feel like we’re doing things right and being productive, and it's also where we can do most of the things that are important to us. But how do we get into this magical place? And what does it look like once we're there?

If we are spending too much time in the comfort zone, then moving to the good zone is about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable for a little while. What this looks like will be different for everyone, but some examples include:

• Taking on a new challenge at work;

• Learning a new skill; or

• Trying something for the first time.

Alternatively, if you are in the terror zone moving to the good zone is about learning to let go, putting up boundaries, and being able to say no. This can include:

• Delegating some project work to a colleague;

• Speaking to your boss about your priorities and what to let go of; and

Spending time with friends, family, or loved ones after a long day to decompress and get outside perspective.

Here are a few key things I do to stay in the good zone:

1. I set realistic goals.

Trying to accomplish too much in a short period will only lead to frustration and disappointment. I start small and work my way up. I say no to things that take me out of my focus and make sure I'm prioritizing my time carefully.

2. I take care of myself physically and mentally.

Eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising are all important factors in staying productive. If my body isn't feeling good, it will be harder to focus on what I need to do.

3. I find an activity or project that makes me happy and stick with it.

Doing something I enjoy outside of work helps reduce my stress levels and makes it easier for me to stay motivated. I create clear stopping times at the end of each day when I end work and start unwinding.

These three techniques have helped me stay on track, get things done, and find the balance between my comfort zone and terror zone.

So here are some final thoughts:

If you want to achieve more and feel better, you need to spend more time in the good zone. That’s it! It’s just not enough to only step into the good zone once every month or so. You need to be there as often as possible because that is how you grow as a person — by stretching yourself, trying new things, and taking risks.

Whatever you want to do in life, the important thing is to pursue something different from usual, which pushes past those old boundaries of your comfort zone into this new territory where growth awaits you. And if you're in that terror zone, you have to start scaling back before it's too late.

Give these techniques a try, and let me know how it goes!

How to say NO and feel good about it

We don't like disappointing people. We tend to say yes when we'd rather say no. When we say yes, we feel resentful, unappreciated, and burdened. I bet you have wondered one time or another, "How do I say "NO" and feel good about it?"

I have a confession to make — I don't like saying no. It's a terrible struggle for me. But time is limited, and if I'm not careful, I end up missing out on all kinds of awesome opportunities. It's hard to say no, but it’s a lesson that has to be learned. Let me share with you a few tips for getting over your guilt and saying no with confidence:

Make Your Life a Top Priority

It can be too easy to get caught up in everyone else's needs. You may find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no. It's important that you make your own life a top priority. So, if you're going to say yes, it should be for a very good reason and connected to something that is truly important to you.

Know What You Want and Need

It can be hard to say no when someone asks for something, especially if you don't know what it is that you yourself want or need. Take time to determine what your priorities are and make sure you have room in your schedule for the things that are most important to you. It may help to write down everything that's filling your schedule so that you can better see what needs to be added or removed. Remember that if you are not taking care of your own needs, it will be near to impossible to sustainably take care of others when you want to help them.

Think Through the Consequences

Think through the consequences of saying yes or no. If it's something that will take a lot of time, money, energy, or effort, it's probably not the best use of your resources unless it's something that truly matters to you in the long-run.

Don't Explain Yourself

"No" is a complete sentence, and it's a powerful one! The problem is that many of us find the word difficult to say, or at least difficult to say without feeling guilty. We feel like if we say no once, we'll have to say it for everything. We fear that saying no will damage our relationship with the person who's asking for a favor or that it will change how they think about us. Other people also worry that saying no will hurt their careers or make them look bad. These hesitations to say no all come from a place of fear and won't actually help us get what we want or feel good about ourselves. Here are a few of my favorite self-explanatory ways to say No:

Cut the Guilt Trip

Do not feel bad about standing up for yourself! If someone tries to guilt you into doing something, ignore them or just repeat yourself until they stop arguing with you. Remember that you are not responsible for other people's reactions, but you do have control over how you choose to respond to and feel about them.

So what's the main takeaway here? Saying no can be difficult, but it will help you get your life in order. Remember, learning to say no is an important life skill, which can also be a good thing for your health and well-being! Here’s how you can effectively do it:

1. Just say it. Don’t beat around the busy, make lame excuses or hem and haw.

   Example: “That sounds great, but I’m already committed.”

2. Be assertive and courteous. This is a technique that puts you in a position of power by shifting the dynamic and timeline.

   Example: “I appreciate the invitation. I’ll have to take a rain check for another time.”

3. Set boundaries for yourself. People have a difficult time saying no because they haven’t taken theme to assess their own boundaries and decide in advance where they stand.

   Example: “I am going to say NO for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.”

4. Be firm. Stand firm and don’t feel obligated to cave simply because the other person is upset.

   Example: “I am not comfortable with that. It would be best for me not to join/attend/participate.”

5. Put the question back on the person asking.

   Example: “I’m glad to work on A, B, and C; but to do a decent job I’d need 3 weeks rather than 2. How would you like me to prioritise completing these tasks?”

Let me know which of these NO’s works best for you!

How to unlock Growth and Curiosity mindsets

Did you know that you and/or your team’s behavior is often influenced by your mindsets, even if you aren't aware of it? That’s how powerful mindsets are! In this blog post, I’ll talk about the importance of two mindsets that specifically fuel how we learn things, including tips on developing them.

Unlocking the Mindsets of Growth and Curiosity

Growth and curiosity are two important mindsets that everyone can adjust to unlock intentionality in their lives. First, let’s talk about the growth mindset.

Growth Mindset

A growth mindset means that you can grow, expand, adapt, and change. This mindset is essential for those who desire to invest in learning and improvement. It releases you from perfection and allows you to appreciate the journey even if the outcome isn't what you expected.

Several decades ago, Carol Dweck, an academic and psychologist, gave name to the concept of the growth mindset. Her work looked at the beliefs people had about their potential to learn and discovered that people tend to maintain one of two beliefs: a fixed or a growth mindset.

Fixed Mindset - It's the belief that a person's capabilities will never change and are pretty much fixed at birth.
Growth Mindset - The belief that a person has the power to nurture the traits they desire. Yes, any traits including even ones linked to your personality or the things you thought you'll just never be good at.

Most intentional learners tend to have a mindset that encourages learning as a lifelong process. In the case of public speaking, for example, some people might say that they just aren't good at it and will never really be able to be good at it — this is a fixed mindset point of view. Whereas in the growth mindset point of view, people will say that they are not good at it YET...and that they can learn how to do public speaking if they want to, even if they're not experienced or confident enough right now. From a growth mindset perspective, this same attitude can be applied to any traits or skill you aren't yet good at but want to improve upon.

You can unlock your growth mindset and get on the path to success with these tips:

• Give yourself time. Patience is key to learning and improvement.

• Don't beat yourself up. Notice what your fixed mindset voice sounds like and reframe to a growth mindset when it pops up. For example, instead of seeing failure and mistakes as an indication that you should stop something, reframe them into indications of where exactly to focus your improvement efforts.

• Be surrounded by people who believe in you. Use others for accountability, motivation and inspiration. Tell them about new things you want to learn and ask for their support along the way.

Curiosity Mindset

A curiosity mindset is sparked by the desire to discover new things and focuses more on the process rather than the outcome. It's also the ability to be aware of things, be open to new ideas, and draw connections between seemingly unrelated concepts. In other words, curiosity is the fuel that runs the engine of learning.

Motivation and curiosity are also directly linked because curiosity enables you to care about something, which in turn motivates you to take action. For example, you're more likely to find a solution to a problem or learn something new if you're interested in the subject matter.

Curiosity is important to develop because it's more than just reading, taking a course, or asking many questions. Exploring, traveling, or trying something different are a few examples of providing a continual stream of unique experiences to your brain for learning. Yes, even people who consider themselves to not be naturally curious can develop their curiosity muscle.

So to help strengthen your curiosity, here are three essential practices you can do:

• Conquer your fears and face them head-on. You might just discover that something you were afraid of actually holds a lot of interesting adventures for you.

• Explore new experiences. Notice when your bias kicks in and says something isn't worthy or interesting. Ask yourself why not and see if you can find an angle that interests you to find out more.

• Focus on the things you love. It's great to follow your passions and use them to drive continuous learning and additional curiosity.

Takeaway

Growth and curiosity go hand in hand. A growth mindset is all about believing that you can improve, even if you're not the best at it right now, while a curiosity mindset is the willingness to learn and explore, even when it's difficult.

Unlocking these two mindsets can definitely help you achieve your highest potential!

How to have conversations with people you can't stand

Making conversations with people you don't particularly like can be tricky, but it is important to work on this skill, as this will happen often throughout your life and work. When this happens to me or my clients, there are three steps I take to get through this.

The first step is to notice the voice of judgment in your head. As long as that inner voice is speaking, you’re not listening to the other person; you may as well take a moment to focus on it and deal with it. What is it about that person that truly annoys you and what is it inside you that is triggered by this? Remember that what we find annoying in others is subjective and says more about who we are than who the other person is.  

The next step is to suspend the voice. Imagine it is like a jacket you are wearing and that you can take off and temporarily hang on a chair. It doesn’t mean you can’t put it on again later. But for this moment, aim to pause it. Focus on getting through this particular conversation without judging it the entire time. Even small moments where you are not judging may allow you to discover something you actually like or find interesting about the person or topic.

The final step is to use the moments when you are not judging to listen to the conversation with an open mind. Be curious and truly try to understand why the other person believes what they do. Everyone is different and having different opinions is human. If you are struggling with the conversation, let them do the talking and keep your contributions short and polite. Try to think of something or ask curious questions to find what you both might have in common; this could be a mutual friend, maybe you have a shared hobby, or maybe you work in similar roles. Topics to avoid would be sensitive subjects such as politics, religion and even covid. 

If you keep an open-mind, your opinion of this person might even change. If not, and if you’ve tried your best to find connection, then that’s okay too. We don’t have to get along with everyone.

What I never expected to learn from my dog

Nothing and no one has ever challenged me as much as my dog, Okos. Sure, university statistics were a pain, opening a hotel in Morocco and working in Cambodia were full culture shocks, performing classical piano concerts required endless discipline and skiing off-piste for the first time (and ever since) has me in a quivering fright of tears....but none of that even came close to my state of hopelessness provoked by this puppy.  

Ever since childhood I’d always dreamed of having a dog. In 2012 I finally bought my first one, a Magyar Vizsla 8 week-old cuddly brown bundle of fur. 

It didn’t take long for my little angel to turn monstrous. 

After a marathon of stomach bugs, broken toes, dozens of doctors visits, sleepless nights, dog food protests, and pee-parties directed with impressive accuracy onto every inch of my apartment, I called up the dog breeder: “I can’t do this anymore!”, I pleaded. “This thing is the devil and I demand either a exorcism or a refund.” She responded quietly as she said, “Daniel, it’s only been 3 days.” 

In retrospect I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have learned more about patience, responsibility, my own temper, my limits, and my capacity to sacrifice more than I ever could have planned for. It has been a lifetime lesson learning to suppress my assumptions that every disruption was part of Okos’ manipulative plan to test my capacity to lead. Instead, I’ve learned to accept that he has no other agenda than to live in the present moment and enjoy it to the fullest.

In addition, nature has entered my life like never before. Having been warned that this breed requires several hours of walks a day, I was prepared for an outdoor commitment. What I hadn’t expected is how incredible it would be for my body. Walks with Okos through our neighborhood parks are pure meditation: a time to allow thoughts to come and go, to observe details normally overlooked, to interact with strangers and to play and be fresh to the world. Running, biking and swimming with him all allow me to feel the newness of every outdoor encounter in a way unlike ever before. There isn’t a faster way to clear my mind from work than to scavenger hunt, sunset watch or cuddle with him. Afterwards there is a nearly tangible sense of returned energy and vitality in my body. 

Of course there are still moments in the middle of a freezing, snowy winter night when the prospect of going outside screams misery. It is especially on those days though that I am caught by surprise: the quietness of the streets, the cast of white shadows all over the parks, and the sweet moist feeling of the air on my skin are as glorious as they are simple. Despite the very messy journey it took to get to this point, such a bundle of gifts have been well worth the time its taken to my finally being able to appreciate them.

--

When I wrote the above entry in my journal back in 2014, I had no idea then how precious those words would feel when reading them today. On March 18, 2021 a sickness in Okos’ lungs ended his life far earlier than I could have ever expected. The pain, shock and mourning have been humbling. The feeling of emptiness without him is constantly present. Like many who experience loss, the obvious realisations about the fragility of life and the futility of expectations are all there. But above and beyond the grief is also a richness and range of emotion that has me feeling alive in ways I hadn’t anticipated. The red thread within me that connects anger to courage to acceptance to love grows thicker and stronger everyday. I realize now more than ever, that Okos has not only connected me to my physical body but also to my emotional and spiritual one. The layers of his presence and impact on me continue to unfold day after day. I see him in rainstorms, in snowflakes, in beams of sunshine and in sudden wind.

Above everything else I’m feeling, I find myself in the deepest state of gratitude. Gratitude for seeing, sensing and feeling the interconnectedness of my body, spirit and world around me. This interconnectedness, which for Okos was just his natural state of being, is one which I’m discovering more each day as a result of him. Thank you for your beautiful gifts, my little friend.

Want to make your wish come true? Tell everyone about it!

Since I personally don't know anyone with their own genie lamp or fairy godmother I sometimes wonder what devices are left for making wishes come true. Blowing on eye lashes, throwing coins in fountains and wishing on shooting stars just hasn't really produced great results for me and I can't help but wonder if the reason why is because part of the ritual is keeping these precious wishes to ourselves. 

There is a problem with the film "The Secret" and it's Law of Attraction claim that if you wish and think positive thoughts your wishes will come through via some magic hand in the cosmos. What it is missing here is the power of human intervention. 

Through many years of making wishes I've come to realize that there is one wishing mechanism more than all others that has reliably come through for me: making a wish and then telling the world about it. 

So how does this work? Well, it first involves deciding on a wish that you are truly intent on manifesting. Perhaps its regarding a new apartment you want to find, a better job you are yearning for or a type of person you are hoping to meet. It can be any wish, but it needs to contain the essential ingredient of your intent on really making it happen. 

And now for the magic part: tell EVERYONE about that wish! Tell your mother and your brother, strangers you meet at parties and people you work with, the person sitting next to you on the plane and the children of your ex's new boyfriend. Post it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and send out emails to all your contact lists. Tell as many people as you can and take note of everything and anything that sparks your interest, creates a new thought or connects with someone else who may have an interest in your wish. Notice what attracts your attention when you walk the streets and which conversations draw you in. Notice the opportunities presented to you that get you one step closer to your wish and take them on, making the most of them and keeping focused on your wish throughout. 

You see, what happens is that your position and frame of reference in the world start to shift. The world after all, is really just a blank slate of potential onto which we project our own inner state, opinions, experiences and memories. When we start to see the world through the filter of our wish we notice with greater clarity those moments that are most relevant. We start noticing that all around us is everything we need to actualize our dreams. We see that we can start immediately acting towards shifting opportunities in our current reality to bring us closer to our future desired one. With only a maximum of 6 degrees of separation between you and whoever you need that could help you fulfill your wish, the power of communicating wishes with full conviction and dedication will inevitably make them come true. In their book „The Art of Possibility“, Ben and Ros Zander breakdown this formula of manifestation into 4 steps:

1. Imagine that people are an invitation for enrollment.

2. Stand ready to participate, willing to be moved and inspired.

3. Offer that which lights you up.

4. Have no doubt that others are eager to catch the spark.

In the first step we experience a kind of opening up to the world in which we believe in the possibility that there are others as charged by our wish as we are. In the second step we throw ourselves into that world, fully opening ourselves mentally and emotionally to all that is present. In the third step we share our wish with passion and lightness. And in the fourth we experience those who are meant to become part of our core tribe welcoming us with open arms and bringing us a step closer to actualizing our dream.

The problem is that many people keep their wishes to themselves or otherwise make a wish but then don't act in accordance with it. They proceed with business as usual, staying at home awaiting a knock at the door, a sudden call on their phones or an invitation in the mail. They hope, pray and fantasize but to an outside viewer would appear entirely unchanged. You would have no way of knowing that internally they are actually possessed by a dream. Unfortunately, wish-granters don't arrive on their own to silent-wishers. Wish-granters travel on the backs of the people you know and the people you're going to meet. 

So the next time you catch a fallen eyelash and hold it up to your lips, ready to blow it into the universe, take a moment to make your wish and then start sharing it with the world! This method works so well that you might just need to be careful what you wish for.

What‘s the worst that can happen?

Ever heard the advice that only when you get over your fears do you actually stand a chance at accomplishing much of anything in your life? While I believe that the advice is well intended, my own experience suggests otherwise. Rather than rid ourselves of fear we actually need to face them full on. This means naming them, accepting them and getting to know what's the worst that could happen because of them. 

1. Name your fears: so many of us are ruled by fears without even knowing what they are. Especially when faced with a personal challenge or aspiration we would like to reach, without identifying our fears we find ourselves stumbling across the same trip-ups and coming up against the same walls. If you notice this pattern taking place, try taking a step back and understanding what is keeping you from reaching the next level. What are you afraid of that holds you back from really taking a leap of faith, trying something entirely new or investing in a risk? Like meeting someone for the first time, once fear has a name it is no longer a complete stranger to us. 

2. Accept your fears: while fears may prevent us from attaining some dreams, they may also be protecting us and keeping us alive. Rooting back to our hunter-gatherer days, the survival mechanism that is fear functions as a checks and balance of sorts, making sure that we double and triple think about our goals and plans before we pursue them. Accepting and even appreciating the benefits that fears can have for us begin to change our relationships with our fears altogether. Perhaps we can view them as guides or even friends, helping us navigate our dreams while still looking out for us and our safety. Sometimes, our fears served an important role when we were younger in protecting us. These same fears may still be around today even though the dangers no longer are. Understanding our fears in this way also allows us to begin changing the relationship we have with them.

3. What's the worst that can happen? While some fears consume us like a bottomless pit, the truth is that even our deepest fears at some point come to a dead end. Although it's not easy, try a game of engaging with your fear. Ask your fear, "What's the worst that can happen if I do ____?"  When you find the answer, then ask, "And then what would happen?" Keep asking the "And then?" question until you arrive at the very end of the absolute worst chain of events that could happen if you pursued whatever it is that is provoking the fear. Perhaps you now have a written list of 10, 20 or even more events in this chain. Now take a step back and look at how many things would need to happen before that very worst fear-based scenario came true. Consider how much is in your control to actually turn things around for each of those events. Reflect on how many safety measures are most likely already in place that would prevent you from even moving through the first 3 or 4 events. For many of us, it can be empowering just seeing this and realizing how far away the worst reality is from our current reality. 

Once you've gone through these three steps, sense into whether the fear still has as much of a dominant a grip on you as before. The fear may not need to disappear at all for you to have developed a much friendlier and more self-aware approach for how to manage it. In fact, it might even make you stronger.