We don't like disappointing people. We tend to say yes when we'd rather say no. When we say yes, we feel resentful, unappreciated, and burdened. I bet you have wondered one time or another, "How do I say "NO" and feel good about it?"
I have a confession to make — I don't like saying no. It's a terrible struggle for me. But time is limited, and if I'm not careful, I end up missing out on all kinds of awesome opportunities. It's hard to say no, but it’s a lesson that has to be learned. Let me share with you a few tips for getting over your guilt and saying no with confidence:
Make Your Life a Top Priority
It can be too easy to get caught up in everyone else's needs. You may find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no. It's important that you make your own life a top priority. So, if you're going to say yes, it should be for a very good reason and connected to something that is truly important to you.
Know What You Want and Need
It can be hard to say no when someone asks for something, especially if you don't know what it is that you yourself want or need. Take time to determine what your priorities are and make sure you have room in your schedule for the things that are most important to you. It may help to write down everything that's filling your schedule so that you can better see what needs to be added or removed. Remember that if you are not taking care of your own needs, it will be near to impossible to sustainably take care of others when you want to help them.
Think Through the Consequences
Think through the consequences of saying yes or no. If it's something that will take a lot of time, money, energy, or effort, it's probably not the best use of your resources unless it's something that truly matters to you in the long-run.
Don't Explain Yourself
"No" is a complete sentence, and it's a powerful one! The problem is that many of us find the word difficult to say, or at least difficult to say without feeling guilty. We feel like if we say no once, we'll have to say it for everything. We fear that saying no will damage our relationship with the person who's asking for a favor or that it will change how they think about us. Other people also worry that saying no will hurt their careers or make them look bad. These hesitations to say no all come from a place of fear and won't actually help us get what we want or feel good about ourselves. Here are a few of my favorite self-explanatory ways to say No:
Cut the Guilt Trip
Do not feel bad about standing up for yourself! If someone tries to guilt you into doing something, ignore them or just repeat yourself until they stop arguing with you. Remember that you are not responsible for other people's reactions, but you do have control over how you choose to respond to and feel about them.
So what's the main takeaway here? Saying no can be difficult, but it will help you get your life in order. Remember, learning to say no is an important life skill, which can also be a good thing for your health and well-being! Here’s how you can effectively do it:
Just say it. Don’t beat around the busy, make lame excuses or hem and haw.
Example: “That sounds great, but I’m already committed.”
Be assertive and courteous. This is a technique that puts you in a position of power by shifting the dynamic and timeline.
Example: “I appreciate the invitation. I’ll have to take a rain check for another time.”
Set boundaries for yourself. People have a difficult time saying no because they haven’t taken theme to assess their own boundaries and decide in advance where they stand.
Example: “I am going to say NO for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.”
Be firm. Stand firm and don’t feel obligated to cave simply because the other person is upset.
Example: “I am not comfortable with that. It would be best for me not to join/attend/participate.”
Put the question back on the person asking.
Example: “I’m glad to work on A, B, and C; but to do a decent job I’d need 3 weeks rather than 2. How would you like me to prioritise completing these tasks?”
Let me know which of these NO’s works best for you!